Molotov Mitchell and the Founding Fathers: Daisy Chain!

Invoking the name of any of the Founding Fathers to win a debate is not unlike tossing “Hitler” or “Stalin” into the pejorative fuck fest  that is contemporary politics. Forget The Anxiety of Influence–when it comes to American political discourse, people are terrified that they’re not being influenced enough by some twenty-odd white men with chronic cases of gout. If the Fathers are the Laius to our Oedipus (and if the entire world adhered to Freud’s narrative), we have failed to destroy the paternal threat and must cope with our shared psychological traumas and latent homosexuality.

Which brings gentle readers to this man, a particularly odious combination of religious zealotry and Old Spice. Molotov Mitchell is a social and Christian conservative. His columns for WorldNetDaily have attracted the adoration of old friend Carl Morris. While most people would consider having the Morris seal of approval an intellectual death knell, Mr. Mitchell blazes in his particular brand of Christian demagoguery. His videos are relatively popular on YouTube, though most of the comments on his channel contain sentiments similar to these gems: “When I watch your videos I have to fight back an urge to tear off my own face” and “I want to bone you up the ass, and I’m straight.”

Molotov enjoys talking about gay people. He enjoys talking about gay people so much that a lot of his videos either directly or tangentially relate to gay rights issues. More accurately, they relate to how gays should have no “special” rights. Why, you may ask? Because that’s what the Founding Fathers would want, a-duhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrr. Take a look:

I don’t really have time to knock down every straw man in this eye-ear-nose-and-throat rape of a video. It’s ripped apart pretty thoroughly here (and here by the hunky Tish! Tish! Oh, Tish). Molotov devotes some time to proving the Founding Fathers to be repulsed by faggotry: ”And don’t think our Founding Fathers wouldn’t support this legislation all the way!” Er, I wasn’t thinking that at all. You’re probably right, Mr. Mitchell. Uganda is reenacting something our Founding Fathers did in 1776.

And yet, I can’t seem to care. The Uganda bill can–in no uncertain terms–suck it, but this sentiment makes me a hypocrite! “Liberals only talk multiculturalism when it suits their agenda,” bleats out the wise Mr. Mitchell. The liberal “agenda” as here defined by Molotov Mitchell: not killing people…?

Eh. I’d go for it. Thanks for the assist, Mr. Mitchell! The Liberal Party Platform of 2010: stopping people getting killed for victimless crimes. I expect a landslide victory in 2012.