Look, a child! Catch it!

“It’s all about the children,” the Emmy-award-winning Kathy Griffin once said.

She cited “the children” to worm her way into Celine Dion’s Las Vegas Cirque du Soleil knock-off. Some social conservatives cite “the children” to justify any remotely anti-gay ideology circulating the country.

The crippling fear of childhood exposure to homosexuality motivates anti-gay demagogues by the thousands. Gays near children equals children near gays equals gays raping children equals children voting No on 8.

“Don’t go after the children!” screams the worried evangelical, which begs the question: When are children not gone after? Who doesn’t go after children?

All families who raise their children to practice a certain religion have gone after “the children” to inculcate them into some fold of religious service. There’s not a very fine line between educating and indoctrinating (a line which was discussed here). Threatening eternal damnation should a set of beliefs not be followed constitutes a coercive act. Introducing gay marriage to kids in schools constitutes a learning experience.

This distinction appears to be at the heart of a lovely bitch fest going on between Rob Tish (a rather brilliant and hunky gay) and our old friend Carl Morris (a rather stupid but probably hunky Jedi Knight). Their tiff has something to do with pedophilia and lightsabers, though I’m sketchy on the details. I’m too busy getting lost in Rob’s primetime TV voice. Get that man an agent.

All of this “children” talk nauseates me. Has anyone bothered to ask what the children want?!

I THOUGHT NOT.