Rally to Encourage Charles Johnson to Friend Request Me.

My affection for Charles Johnson runs deep (and I can prove it). “Who the hell is he, and why should I care?” a gentle reader may ask. I’ll let a few anonymous treasures give their opinions:

“Charles C. Johnson is a tool that no one should take seriously. At least he goes to CMC and not Pomona.”

“That silly closeted ginger…”

“I’d call him retarded, but that would be an insult to people who actually suffer from mental disabilities. At least when they say nonsensical things, they have an excuse. He should know better.”

“Who is this?!”

Charles Johnson’s recent op-ed for the Pope Center provoked these good people to respond so vehemently. If you’d rather not waste the next three minutes of your life reading illogical screed (and you have my deepest sympathies if this is the case), I present to you a condensed articulation: why talk about gay rights when you could talk about KILLING COMMIE BASTARDS?!

There are a couple unspoken implications running throughout this drivel: 1) Campus dialogue on gay rights is stifling discussion commemorating the fall of the Berlin Wall; 2) Overseas ideological battles should mean more to students than gay rights. Whoopee.

And then there are his points that are such shameless misrepresentations. Take for instance this doozy, written in support of the contention that this school is a hotbed for faggotry:

Last year, following the passage of California’s Proposition 8, which recognized marriage as a relationship between a man and woman, David Oxtoby, president of Pomona College, sent out an email encouraging students to join him in “expressing support for those who feel negatively affected by the passage of this measure.”

Dear Charles forgets to include the full quote, which paints quite a different picture than what he scribbled. Shall we take a look?

I recognize of course that members of our community have different views on this particular proposition and on the underlying issues.  I trust, though, that you will join me in expressing support for those who feel negatively affected by the passage of this measure.  Whatever our views, we can affirm together that Pomona College will remain an inclusive and tolerant community that respects difference and welcomes diversity.

Oh! How terrible! President Oxtoby acknowledges the ideological differences between members of the community while simultaneously reminding everyone NOT TO BE A DICK ABOUT IT.

Besides the aforementioned idiocies, his article has one giant gaping asshole bleeding out his thesis. Hey, bright eyes: if you like the completely masturbatory exercise of reiterating how awesome Reagan was “in destroyin’ them commies,” run a goddamn event yourself and quit your complaining.

Now, gentle readers, I am giving you a homework assignment. On the right side, you’ll notice a new widget linking to the Claremont Conservative’s webquarters. Click on it. Do it again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

With some effort, dear Charles will soon find most of his traffic originating from this blog. He’ll click, he’ll read, and then he will eventually see this:

A Letter to Charles Johnson of Claremont Conservative Fame.

13 November 2009

Dear Charles,

Depending on the amount of alcohol you consumed prior to reading this, you might consider me a rabid stalker or a delightfully charming gay with some serious daddy issues. Regardless of your perceptions, I implore you to friend request me on Facebook.

Who knows? We could meet for tea every Thursday. Just you and me, shootin’ the shit, talkin’ ’bout what’s what, extending out our pinky fingers when we knock back those cups. After our fourth pot, you’ll say: “You’re mad at me, right?” And I’ll say, “Nah, I know how it is. With the blogging. Sometimes, you say stupid shit.” And we’ll laugh and then I’ll throw my scalding hot tea in your face just to keep your reflexes sharp.

At the very least, just friend request me on Facebook. It would make me immeasurably happy.

With lots of love and respect,

TGG.